To wear or not to wear

I am necklace challenged! The most special ones always seemed to get lost or broken, or too tangled to wear. For many years I mostly just gave up wearing them.

Last year at church I noticed a friend wearing a necklace that reminded me of one I had from my Grandmother. It was a delicate antique gold colored chain with a few tiny coral colored roses on it. I told her I had a similar one from my Grandmother but that it was too tangled to wear. That I had tried several times to untangle it. She said if I put it in oil and rubbed it between my fingers that should do the trick, and that it would clean it at the same time. It sounded like a brilliant idea. But later when I looked for it, I couldn’t find it.

Then I remembered that a few months before after yet another unsuccessful attempt at untangling it I had thrown it away in a fit of anger. I was heartbroken, how could I have done something so rash and silly?

I remember I was feeling super frustrated that night with all the clutter in our house. Every surface seemed covered. Why keep it if I can’t wear it, I wondered? It’s just so much useless clutter. Besides I don’t have anyone to leave it to! I was feeling particularly lonely and a little sorry for myself, I suppose. I don’t have a sister to ask about things like that. And i didn't feel close enough to any of my other friends to think to ask them about it at the time.

I was also upset because when I asked John to help me untangle it, he made a seemingly halfhearted attempt and then gave up. Later he said he would have helped more after he was finished reading his book if he had known how upset I was. But I didn’t want to ask again. I just thought, that’s it, he doesn’t care or want to help. I just have to deal with it myself! (He has a much higher tolerance for clutter than I do. It’s usually an uphill battle to get him to help deal with it. I’m sure that was also fueling my frustration.)

I never told my friend what I had done. I was too embarrassed and sad.

Anyway. After that I decided I needed to get a necklace holder to help the rest of them not get so tangled. It took several more months before I finally gave myself permission--it seemed too self-indulgent and frivolous. I also wondered was it worth it? After all I hardly ever wear them anyway. What was the point? But for some reason that I can’t explain it mattered to me. I couldn’t keep dismissing it. I wanted to take better care of my necklaces and start wearing them again.

So I finally made the time to search for necklace holders and found one on-line. When it arrived, John mounted it next to my dresser and helped me untangle them so i could hang them up.

So I am wearing necklaces again. It is surprisingly difficult. Other women seem to know about this stuff automatically. I ’m still learning which necklaces go with which outfits. I even texted my friend Susan a couple of selfies one Sunday to see which necklace she thought looked best. It feels weird and embarrassing to be such a neophyte at this. It also takes more time and thought. As someone who hardly ever remembers to even trim my nails and put lotion on until we are in the car on our way to church and I notice how ragged my nails look, it is a new thing to take time on, seemingly trivial, personal details like this.

Maybe this is the point of starting to wear necklaces again after so many years. I’m learning it is ok to do things that matter to me even if they don’t seem particularly useful to anyone else.

My current favorite one is a short chain with a tiny little heart on it. It’s not very noticeable to anyone else. But it is sweet little reminder that I am loved.

One of my favorite wildflowers

Yesterday morning i was thrilled to see one of my favorite wildflowers growing in our yard!  I was getting ready to go out with some friends for the day so I didn't take the time to photograph them just then. I wish now I had. They were wet from a rain storm and looked fresh and sparkly as the morning sun shone on them. In the afternoon I took some photos but they didn't look as pretty as my memory of them from the morning.

Nevermind, I am trying to be less perfectionistic anyway and they are still there so I took some more photos this morning. It is amazing how their color seems to change with the time of day. They look more purple in the photos I just took.

Based on my internet research, I think they are grape hyacinth (muscari botryoides)

The first two photos below are from this morning. The next two are from yesterday afternoon. They look much more purple and grape-like in this morning's light. They are really quite small. These are enlarged a lot.

Taken this morning.

From yesterday afternoon. The color looks more of a light blue.

not as purple as this morning but still a beauty!

I also took this yesterday afternoon. It's the same sort as from my last post but more open

This one is quite pretty too. It's so small it's difficult for me to get much detail. It looks almost like an orchid 

 

 

 

The first wildflowers of Spring!

Saturday I went outside and discovered wildflowers had come up in our grass. It's been a long cold winter and I was so thrilled to see any signs of Spring that i picked some and put them in a little vase in my kitchen window.

They aren't the most colorful or exciting of our Texas wildflowers, but when I looked at them up close through the camera lens I was surprised to see how much detail and color they really have.

After taking these photos of them in the vase I went back outside and took more of them in their natural setting.

To think that God lavishes so much beauty and creativity on such small things is amazing. Most people if they notice them at all might think they are just a weed they need to mow.

It brings to mind when Jesus said, " do not worry about your life ... see how the flowers of the field grow... If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you...?" (Matthew 6:28-30)

The magazine basket was getting full. Usually that’s an easy fix since a lot of them go into the recycling bin. The rest go on a shelf that I periodically purge. I was surprised when I discover that none of the few I wanted to keep would actually fit on the bookcase. Looking at the shelf I noticed how large of a collection of old Dwell magazines I still had.

Although I canceled my subscription before our last trip to Australia in 2016, I was baffled that I could not detect even one "spark of joy" about keeping them. What is wrong with me I wondered. I used to love these. Looking at the sleek uncluttered modern interiors pictured in Dwell at my favorite book store gave me such a feeling of calm and peace during high stress years when I was caring for my Mom full time, that I subscribed to it for myself.

So here I was looking at my four plus years of Dwell gold and realizing that not only had I not looked at them for a couple of years, I didn’t want to look at them anymore. I felt more joy at the thought that I might get something for them from Half Priced books and that I wouldn’t need to persuade my husband to let me get rid of them--since getting them was entirely my idea in the first place.

I was disappointed when we took them to Half Priced Books, though. They said they were too old to put on their shelves. So, they gave me 50 cents for the whole lot!-- “as a way of saying thank you for bringing them in.”  And a coupon for 10% off future purchases for a year. That could be worth something if I wanted to buy more physical books. But since I mostly want to buy e-books that isn’t very exciting. It is nice to have more space on my shelf, though, so I don’t regret getting rid of them. I mostly regret I didn’t do it sooner while they may have been worth something.

I do wonder why I’ve gotten so unsentimental about so many of my things. I seem to be becoming a grumpy old curmudgeon before my time. Is it due to diminishing estrogen? That seems to explain nearly every weird change lately. Or am I depressed and need to see a psychiatrist.

Is this desire to de-clutter a sign of some deep psychological problem? Am I trying to erase myself? I have wondered that. Why for example do I want to get rid of my old high school yearbooks?

But maybe it’s not that I want to erase myself I just want to prune away the old to make way for the new. To get to the essential me. The things that matter most to me now and not let the old me clutter my home. Maybe it is actually a sign of healthy growth. Some of my tendency to hang on to stuff may have come from unhealthy “people pleasing.”

But caring about others doesn’t mean I need to keep every greeting card I ever got, for example. (I love e-cards--no painful decisions later about whether to keep it or not.)

Most people downsize by moving into a smaller space. I do sometimes wish we could move somewhere warm, especially on cold days, like today. And there are things I don’t like about our current house. But I mainly just have a strong yearning to experience life here in this house with much less stuff.

I want to pare down so I can more easily enjoy the things I currently care about and not waste time and space on things I don’t.

Last year I decided I’m just not into gardening anymore. I'm tempted to get rid of most of my gardening books? But what if I decide I want to garden again some time?

What about books on writing that I haven’t read in years? I care about writing but do I really need so many books about it, most of which I don’t even use?

What do you think? Please feel free to leave comments!

desperate to declutter

feeling desperate to declutter. Almost manic. Too much clutter everywhere I look.

Removed everything from the bottom two shelves in my office bookcase. With part* of the Konmari idea in mind I only put back what "sparked joy."

I did move one picture to a different location. That was, I thought, a clever bit of downsizing in itself because in the process I combined two things into one. I had two pictures. One in a frame and one not. I put the one that didn't have a frame into the frame and put it on top of our entertainment center. The one that was in the frame will go into a photo album.

Now, however I don't know where to put the thing that was on the entertainment center in that space. I guess I'll have to clear another shelf...

Most of the other photos from those two office shelves will go into photo albums. The other knick knacks I haven't decided about yet. I think they need to go into a box and I'll decide about them later.

Meanwhile, I wondered, what else will I put on those two shelves? It felt strange and silly to remove stuff if I didn't have other things that needed to go there.

Of course, I realized, there is no rule that says I have to fill every shelf. If I like it nearly bare then I can keep it that way.

But I do have goals and things I want room for. And I have to start somewhere.

For one thing, I want to put a china cabinet in our living room for some of our pretty dishes. Partly to display them and partly to make them more accessible so I don't get a hernia every time I retrieve them from the remote corners of our kitchen cabinets.

The space in our living room where the china cabinet might go is currently chock full of books. So maybe some of the books from there can come into my office to make room for the theoretical china cabinet. I also thought of a pretty antique dish I got from my Mother in law that I want to display that is still packed away. I can put it in this newly created space. There may be other things I haven't thought of too.

But even if I didn't have current plans for that space just having less stuff to dust is a worthwhile accomplishment! And I've learned that when I make space life has a way of filling it. Sometimes with unexpected blessings or new ideas.

*I know the Konmari method isn't "supposed" to be used piecemeal, but oh well!

Mother Neff State Park

Two days after Christmas, and five days before our 23rd anniversary, we took our RV down to Mother Neff State Park for four days.

Mother Neff State Park (MNSP) is in Moody, Texas about 30 miles SW of Waco. It's the oldest and one of the smallest of the Texas State Parks. The land for the park was donated by Mrs. Neff who was the mother of the then governor of Texas. It was the first Texas state park. Now there are over 90 (i tried to find out the exact number but no one said anything more specific than "more than 90".)

It was our coldest trip in our RV yet. The temperature got down to one degree above freezing for at least two nights. And the day time temps weren’t much warmer.

Despite the park's small size, frigid temps, and battles with headaches and allergies, we still had a fun time.

There isn't much growing here at this time of year, but I took a lot of pictures anyway!

The low light and stark contrasts among the trees made it difficult to get good photos sometimes. Here I tried my hand at using manual focus and a slow speed: 1/15 sec. f/9 18mm ISO 200. I don't know enough photography to know why f/9 was the right f-stop here. But it seemed to work. I also did a little editing later. I increased the light a little and decreased the contrast. I don't remember how much. I wish my photo editing program saved that info.

There has been a lot of rain lately so all the streams were happily streaming!

The "Washpond" One of the special destinations in the park. It's too full of algae for swimming or washing things in it now. But it used to be a favorite place for both.

The Washpond reflecting the sky and trees opposite.

John, next to the Washpond.

There were very few flowers but this end of a dead tree trunk looks almost floral.

A lady offered to take our photo at this "table" made in the 1930s by the Civilian Conservation Core.

John at the Cave, another special geological feature of the park. It is quite impressive. We went back again on Sunday when there were fewer people and the lighting more conducive to taking photos.

Is it a moth or a butterfly? I would guess a moth given its large fuzzy body. It was so still for such a long time that I wondered if it was dead. But it started up as we walked away so I guess it was just dozing.

Above the trees in the Rock Tower, also made by the CCC in the 1930s.

A very impressive bird blind. The birds unfortunately didn't cooperate.

interesting rock

Even this dead tree looked pretty.

Clumps of Mistletoe in the trees. John made sure we took advantage of them ;-)

A close up of the Mistletoe with its waxy white berries.

In lieu of flowers I took several moss and lichen photos.

These bright little red leaves really stood out on the mostly colorless ground on a bleak cold day. The heart shape seemed appropriate given that it was the day before our anniversary.

I was impressed with the bathrooms. They were definitely the prettiest and cleanest in the Texas state parks we've been to so far.

The showers were also very well designed and appointed.

John at the cave again on Sunday. We had the place to ourselves. The weather was too cold and damp to sit and enjoy the view for long. But at least the overcast sky made photographing easier. 

John doing his Atlas impression.

I only needed one hand!

According to the informational placard at the cave: It's called Tonkawa Cave after a well-known tribe that once lived in central Texas. No one knows if they actually lived in this cave. But in the 1930s when the Civilian Conservation Corps (CCC) excavated the site they found "stone projectile points" [aka: arrowheads] and other tools used to hunt and prepare wild game.

This rock reminded me of an island with miniature gardens tucked into its cracks and crevices.

More moss and lichens.

Friday afternoon we went exploring. We drove our Honda to Lake Belton, a large lake about 20 miles south of MNSP. My AllTrails app found hiking trails we wanted to explore in Miller Spring Park on the other side of the Lake Belton dam.

There was also a town called Morgan's Point Resort next to the lake that I wanted to see that was on the way. Before our trip I saw it on the map and was curious so Googled it and found an old promotional video from the 1960s on YouTube. The narrator called it the "Switzerland of Texas." The little we saw was reasonably pretty. But I think he was exaggerating a little-- not that I've ever been to Switzerland.

By the time we found where the trails were it was getting dark.

I was feeling hungry and suggested we try a restaurant I had noticed while we were searching for the trails. John seemed to need some convincing. Maybe it was the inauspicious name of the place: Dead Fish Grill. I finally convinced him to humor me and check it out. It was a really nice surprise for us both.

Dead Fish Grill is a delightful mix of elegant, classy and casual. There was still enough light outside to enjoy the beautiful lakeside view when we first arrived and the interior with its polished hardwood floors, fire place and Christmas tree gave a cosy ambience after the sun went down.

Our server was friendly and helpful with my gluten problems. I got grilled catfish and shrimp with coleslaw and a "loaded" baked potato. The catfish was so delicious! It didn't need any tartar sauce. Everything else was also excellent. John seemed to enjoy his fish and chips too. I think they even brought him vinegar when he asked for it.

It was a delightful way to celebrate 23 years (a few days early)!

Ducks on Lake Belton at the Morgan's Point Resort marina