The magazine basket was getting full. Usually that’s an easy fix since a lot of them go into the recycling bin. The rest go on a shelf that I periodically purge. I was surprised when I discover that none of the few I wanted to keep would actually fit on the bookcase. Looking at the shelf I noticed how large of a collection of old Dwell magazines I still had.

Although I canceled my subscription before our last trip to Australia in 2016, I was baffled that I could not detect even one "spark of joy" about keeping them. What is wrong with me I wondered. I used to love these. Looking at the sleek uncluttered modern interiors pictured in Dwell at my favorite book store gave me such a feeling of calm and peace during high stress years when I was caring for my Mom full time, that I subscribed to it for myself.

So here I was looking at my four plus years of Dwell gold and realizing that not only had I not looked at them for a couple of years, I didn’t want to look at them anymore. I felt more joy at the thought that I might get something for them from Half Priced books and that I wouldn’t need to persuade my husband to let me get rid of them--since getting them was entirely my idea in the first place.

I was disappointed when we took them to Half Priced Books, though. They said they were too old to put on their shelves. So, they gave me 50 cents for the whole lot!-- “as a way of saying thank you for bringing them in.”  And a coupon for 10% off future purchases for a year. That could be worth something if I wanted to buy more physical books. But since I mostly want to buy e-books that isn’t very exciting. It is nice to have more space on my shelf, though, so I don’t regret getting rid of them. I mostly regret I didn’t do it sooner while they may have been worth something.

I do wonder why I’ve gotten so unsentimental about so many of my things. I seem to be becoming a grumpy old curmudgeon before my time. Is it due to diminishing estrogen? That seems to explain nearly every weird change lately. Or am I depressed and need to see a psychiatrist.

Is this desire to de-clutter a sign of some deep psychological problem? Am I trying to erase myself? I have wondered that. Why for example do I want to get rid of my old high school yearbooks?

But maybe it’s not that I want to erase myself I just want to prune away the old to make way for the new. To get to the essential me. The things that matter most to me now and not let the old me clutter my home. Maybe it is actually a sign of healthy growth. Some of my tendency to hang on to stuff may have come from unhealthy “people pleasing.”

But caring about others doesn’t mean I need to keep every greeting card I ever got, for example. (I love e-cards--no painful decisions later about whether to keep it or not.)

Most people downsize by moving into a smaller space. I do sometimes wish we could move somewhere warm, especially on cold days, like today. And there are things I don’t like about our current house. But I mainly just have a strong yearning to experience life here in this house with much less stuff.

I want to pare down so I can more easily enjoy the things I currently care about and not waste time and space on things I don’t.

Last year I decided I’m just not into gardening anymore. I'm tempted to get rid of most of my gardening books? But what if I decide I want to garden again some time?

What about books on writing that I haven’t read in years? I care about writing but do I really need so many books about it, most of which I don’t even use?

What do you think? Please feel free to leave comments!