Saturday, June 17, 2017

When I say 'no'...

I wrote the following several weeks ago. It was Spring and now it's Summer. I fully intended to post this. But I wanted to add a few more photos. Then it was time to make dinner and then before I know it two months roll around... sigh.

I really do want to get back to blogging. So here it is... "When I say 'no'":

I keep waiting for that magical moment when everything will come together and I'll know this is the time to blog again. Ever since we got back from furlough I keep hoping I'll feel all caught up and completely settled. Then the Red Sea will part before me and a yellow brick road will appear and I'll know this is the way walk ye in it, or something. It just occurred to me that's not likely to happen. Ever. If I don't just start then I never will. There will never be a time until I die when I am all caught up. In fact every time we return from furlough there is always some stuff that never gets dealt with. Some pocket of left-over papers that never get sorted, filed or acted on. In fact I usually eventually put them away. I hope to get to them sometime, but instead eventually forget about them until next furlough rolls around. So maybe they weren't that important after all!

I seem to be surrounded by over-achievers who fill up all their time and mine too if I let them, and I usually do. (My husband is no help either. I was hoping when we married that he would help set boundaries and protect me from myself. But he is worse than I am.) Then there's the unexpected people, like yesterday when E asked me for a ride. I should have looked at the clock more closely. I thought I had enough time to get her to DeSoto and still make it to my appointment in Plano. Then I realized after we were on our way that it was not looking too good. Why is it that my brain goes to jelly when people ask me for help. It's not like she was bleeding to death or something. No one was going to die if I said, "no". Anyway I did somehow make it to my appointment. But only because I drove like the proverbial bat.

So now that I am finally writing, what should I write about?

Recently I had a discussion about sin with my friend S. Particularly sins we tolerate. We Christians are pretty good at spotting some kinds of sins but sometimes miss others and don't realize they even are sins. Or we don't think they are very bad. I realized later I've been tolerating too much ingratitude in myself recently. I still write in my thankfulness journal most days. But the rest of the time my attitude has been more grumbly than grateful. If I remember right God has some pretty strong things to say about that. In fact one could say he is fairly intolerant of grumbling. Didn't he send some plagues because of it? Anyway, I admit my attitude is stinky. Sorry, God.

Then I realized that I may be even less likely to get what I want from a certain person if I stay mad and cranky. Of course he can't read my mind, so I need to tell him what I want. Saying what I want when it means saying 'no' and going against the stream of others' expectations is really hard for me. I even read the book "When I say no I feel guilty" but i still feel guilty when I say no! It seems like at my age I would have grown past this wimpy-ness by now. Sigh


Here are some photos from our time in Australia. I took these several months ago. It was Spring there then. It is Spring here now, so I guess that works.

These cute little puff balls are Wattle Tree blossoms. at the Wycliffe Center in Kangaroo Ground, Victoria
Saw these in a private garden near Brisbane. Yes it bugs me too that I don't know the name of them.

Galah in flight at a park in Brisbane
Yarra River, hiking in Warrandyte State Park, Victoria
flowering bush outside our front door at Kangaroo Ground

Another bush outside our Kangaroo Ground unit. I don't know the name of either one.

At the National Rhododendron Gardens near Melbourne.