Tuesday, March 19, 2019

To wear or not to wear

I am necklace challenged! The most special ones always seemed to get lost or broken, or too tangled to wear. For many years I mostly just gave up wearing them.

Last year at church I noticed a friend wearing a necklace that reminded me of one I had from my Grandmother. It was a delicate antique gold colored chain with a few tiny coral colored roses on it. I told her I had a similar one from my Grandmother but that it was too tangled to wear. That I had tried several times to untangle it. She said if I put it in oil and rubbed it between my fingers that should do the trick, and that it would clean it at the same time. It sounded like a brilliant idea. But later when I looked for it, I couldn’t find it.

Then I remembered that a few months before after yet another unsuccessful attempt at untangling it I had thrown it away in a fit of anger. I was heartbroken, how could I have done something so rash and silly?

I remember I was feeling super frustrated that night with all the clutter in our house. Every surface seemed covered. Why keep it if I can’t wear it, I wondered? It’s just so much useless clutter. Besides I don’t have anyone to leave it to! I was feeling particularly lonely and a little sorry for myself, I suppose. I don’t have a sister to ask about things like that. And i didn't feel close enough to any of my other friends to think to ask them about it at the time.

I was also upset because when I asked John to help me untangle it, he made a seemingly halfhearted attempt and then gave up. Later he said he would have helped more after he was finished reading his book if he had known how upset I was. But I didn’t want to ask again. I just thought, that’s it, he doesn’t care or want to help. I just have to deal with it myself! (He has a much higher tolerance for clutter than I do. It’s usually an uphill battle to get him to help deal with it. I’m sure that was also fueling my frustration.)

I never told my friend what I had done. I was too embarrassed and sad.

Anyway. After that I decided I needed to get a necklace holder to help the rest of them not get so tangled. It took several more months before I finally gave myself permission--it seemed too self-indulgent and frivolous. I also wondered was it worth it? After all I hardly ever wear them anyway. What was the point? But for some reason that I can’t explain it mattered to me. I couldn’t keep dismissing it. I wanted to take better care of my necklaces and start wearing them again.

So I finally made the time to search for necklace holders and found one on-line. When it arrived, John mounted it next to my dresser and helped me untangle them so i could hang them up.


So I am wearing necklaces again. It is surprisingly difficult. Other women seem to know about this stuff automatically. I ’m still learning which necklaces go with which outfits. I even texted my friend Susan a couple of selfies one Sunday to see which necklace she thought looked best. It feels weird and embarrassing to be such a neophyte at this. It also takes more time and thought. As someone who hardly ever remembers to even trim my nails and put lotion on until we are in the car on our way to church and I notice how ragged my nails look, it is a new thing to take time on, seemingly trivial, personal details like this.

Maybe this is the point of starting to wear necklaces again after so many years. I’m learning it is ok to do things that matter to me even if they don’t seem particularly useful to anyone else.

My current favorite one is a short chain with a tiny little heart on it. It’s not very noticeable to anyone else. But it is sweet little reminder that I am loved.

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