Getting off the worry train

Today I read a blog post about worry and anxiety. In it the author described a series of events that led up to her having had her first panic attack this Thanksgiving. She shared how she was finally able to process the events that led to it and get on top of the anxiety that had built up. She had questions for reflection at the end of the article.

One of the questions was what stood out to me as I read her story. What stood out to me was how she sometimes seemed to take on burdens of anxiety that were not really her’s to bear, for example she was very anxious that one of her daughters would feel ashamed if they didn’t pass their driving test and the other one did. She was also getting caught up with all those pesky “what if” questions—“what if” this happens or “what if” that happens.

I sometimes do the same things. I’m trying to learn not to, but I worry sometimes over how my husband, mother, brother, Mom’s caregiver, to name a few, will feel if “x” does or doesn’t happen. I cannot control their feelings. I am responsible only for my actions not how they feel about them. I am certainly not responsible for their feelings about what someone else does or doesn’t do! Being anxious for others doesn’t help them and it can lead to me behaving in ways that are counter-productive.

I’m learning that it is best to ask them how they feel and not assume I know because of how I would feel in their situation. Asking gives them a chance to talk about it which really can be helpful if they are upset. Sometimes, I discover that my anxiety for them is, even more than usually, unnecessary because they aren’t even upset about the thing I thought they were.

Sunday, I found myself starting to feel anxious and upset for my husband because of a particular turn of events in a ministry he is newly involved in. I realized what I was doing, that I was taking on anxiety that wasn’t mine to bear, so I asked him how he felt about the situation and discovered he wasn’t upset at all. In fact, he was relieved! I’m thankful I asked before I got any more caught up in worry and catastrophizing on his behalf!

Worry really zaps my energy. After reading the article I realized that I was letting a whole lot of those pesky “what if” thoughts distract me from things that I needed to do today. Things that really are my responsibility and that I can do.

I’m thankful I was able realize it and derail the worry train so I could get on board the “glory train” of getting things done and having peace and joy again.