Strong for my tasks

Feel stressed because I again/still/always have more things to do than time and energy to do them with.

A few minutes ago, I was stressed because I couldn’t find my to-do list journal! Then when I found it, my joy was cut short when I opened it and was reminded of even more things that needed doing that I had forgotten about.

I am also stressed because the thing that I wrote recently, that I thought I might post today, now seems too bitter and I am concerned it will be dishonoring to someone. So maybe I will re-work it or set it aside for now.

Getting things done, as always, seems to be one of my biggest challenges. I do get some things done but there is always a long backlog of things that never make it all the way to the top of the list. Or if they do they sometimes get submerged again under a large weight of procrastination. What is behind that? Dread comes to mind. Why dread? Is it because I am being too perfectionistic?

Often when I want to do something there always seems to be another thing that seems more important so I second guess myself and don’t let myself do the thing I feel motivated to do right then.

Just before I started writing this I felt motivated to make a phone call that I have been putting off. But since I hadn’t written yet today and I was aware of all the other things that are coming up later in the day I thought I should wait on the phone call and write instead or I never would.

I could look at this as either being true to myself and not letting myself get side-tracked by lesser tasks. Or I could look at it as letting legalism about writing every day hold me back from getting things done when I have the time and energy to do them. But I know that writing energizes me in the long run, even when it seems to be taking time and energy in the short run.*

It’s a lot like exercise. Which is another thing I am trying to be more consistent in. I used to be very consistent and it did mostly give me strength and energy. But for various reasons I have gotten slack and I can tell I am losing muscle mass, another way of saying getting flabby. Experts say we start losing muscle mass after a certain age. I don’t remember whether it is 40 or 50 but since I am past both of those I know I am in that zone. So, it is even more important I don’t keep slacking off. I can also tell I am not as strong as I want to be. I want to be like the Proverbs 31 woman who’s “arms are strong for her task.”

* (In case you are wondering, I chose the first one. That way i can celebrate being true to myself! The second one just leads to condemnation, and discouragement. After all, that phone call can wait-again!)