I’m doing some more downsizing. This time I’m downsizing my trunk load of fears. Some of them have weighed me down for years.
One of the biggest that I threw away a few days ago is the fear of losing my salvation. (Yes, you read that right. And no, I’m not interested in any theological debates.)
That was a big deal in most of the churches I grew up in. One pastor in particular seemed to preach it all the time. And even those that don’t openly preach about it may have it as a foundational starting point. I’ve noticed something about a lot of preachers. They generally aim their sermons at the hard-headed members of their congregation. They don’t seem to realize that even if they don't make a dent in these impervious ones, those of us that are overly sensitive and conscientious might be drowning in fear and condemnation by the end. Thankfully, as I am learning more about grace, I am getting less overly sensitive!
I read recently that experts say that anxiety is the foundation for all other psychopathologies. That means it makes me crazy! Or as a much older book says, "fear involves torment."*
I’m sick of being bullied by fear. It’s not from God. God does not give me a spirit of fear. He gives me a spirit of adoption! **
*Jasmin Lee Cori in "The Emotionally Absent Mother"; 1 John 4:18
** 1 Timothy 1:7 and Romans 8:15
Wednesday, September 19, 2018
Thursday, September 13, 2018
Strong for my tasks
Feel stressed because I again/still/always have more things to do than time and energy to do them with.
A few minutes ago, I was stressed because I couldn’t find my to-do list journal! Then when I found it, my joy was cut short when I opened it and was reminded of even more things that needed doing that I had forgotten about.
I am also stressed because the thing that I wrote recently, that I thought I might post today, now seems too bitter and I am concerned it will be dishonoring to someone. So maybe I will re-work it or set it aside for now.
Getting things done, as always, seems to be one of my biggest challenges. I do get some things done but there is always a long backlog of things that never make it all the way to the top of the list. Or if they do they sometimes get submerged again under a large weight of procrastination. What is behind that? Dread comes to mind. Why dread? Is it because I am being too perfectionistic?
Often when I want to do something there always seems to be another thing that seems more important so I second guess myself and don’t let myself do the thing I feel motivated to do right then.
Just before I started writing this I felt motivated to make a phone call that I have been putting off. But since I hadn’t written yet today and I was aware of all the other things that are coming up later in the day I thought I should wait on the phone call and write instead or I never would.
I could look at this as either being true to myself and not letting myself get side-tracked by lesser tasks. Or I could look at it as letting legalism about writing every day hold me back from getting things done when I have the time and energy to do them. But I know that writing energizes me in the long run, even when it seems to be taking time and energy in the short run.*
It’s a lot like exercise. Which is another thing I am trying to be more consistent in. I used to be very consistent and it did mostly give me strength and energy. But for various reasons I have gotten slack and I can tell I am losing muscle mass, another way of saying getting flabby. Experts say we start losing muscle mass after a certain age. I don’t remember whether it is 40 or 50 but since I am past both of those I know I am in that zone. So, it is even more important I don’t keep slacking off. I can also tell I am not as strong as I want to be. I want to be like the Proverbs 31 woman who’s “arms are strong for her task.”
* (In case you are wondering, I chose the first one. That way i can celebrate being true to myself! The second one just leads to condemnation, and discouragement. After all, that phone call can wait-again!)
A few minutes ago, I was stressed because I couldn’t find my to-do list journal! Then when I found it, my joy was cut short when I opened it and was reminded of even more things that needed doing that I had forgotten about.
I am also stressed because the thing that I wrote recently, that I thought I might post today, now seems too bitter and I am concerned it will be dishonoring to someone. So maybe I will re-work it or set it aside for now.
Getting things done, as always, seems to be one of my biggest challenges. I do get some things done but there is always a long backlog of things that never make it all the way to the top of the list. Or if they do they sometimes get submerged again under a large weight of procrastination. What is behind that? Dread comes to mind. Why dread? Is it because I am being too perfectionistic?
Often when I want to do something there always seems to be another thing that seems more important so I second guess myself and don’t let myself do the thing I feel motivated to do right then.
Just before I started writing this I felt motivated to make a phone call that I have been putting off. But since I hadn’t written yet today and I was aware of all the other things that are coming up later in the day I thought I should wait on the phone call and write instead or I never would.
I could look at this as either being true to myself and not letting myself get side-tracked by lesser tasks. Or I could look at it as letting legalism about writing every day hold me back from getting things done when I have the time and energy to do them. But I know that writing energizes me in the long run, even when it seems to be taking time and energy in the short run.*
It’s a lot like exercise. Which is another thing I am trying to be more consistent in. I used to be very consistent and it did mostly give me strength and energy. But for various reasons I have gotten slack and I can tell I am losing muscle mass, another way of saying getting flabby. Experts say we start losing muscle mass after a certain age. I don’t remember whether it is 40 or 50 but since I am past both of those I know I am in that zone. So, it is even more important I don’t keep slacking off. I can also tell I am not as strong as I want to be. I want to be like the Proverbs 31 woman who’s “arms are strong for her task.”
* (In case you are wondering, I chose the first one. That way i can celebrate being true to myself! The second one just leads to condemnation, and discouragement. After all, that phone call can wait-again!)
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