To-do list angst

Despite all my gains in understanding grace and getting free from trying to meet everyone’s expectations I still find myself getting too uptight about all the things I need to do. And when something goes wrong and it seems time has been wasted I still sometimes go ballistic. I feel driven most of the time. I realized yesterday that I am acting like a cruel tyrannical employer toward myself. Of course that quickly leads to my then feeling like a demoralized employee.

My To-Do list has an annoying number of things that seem stuck there, like so many burs. I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when I looked at the completed items in my To-do list app (Wunderlist). It was an encouragingly large number. And that is only part of the things I have accomplished since I started using that app, as I still mostly put reminders about to-do items on the kitchen table. Then, when we work on whatever jigsaw puzzle we have going they get cleared off, usually by my husband who puts them in various seemingly random places. It is a wonder I don’t forget more things. Anyway, the point is I really do get most things done that really have to get done. And of course there are dozens of things that never make it on any to-do list. Things like: cook, exercise, make the bed, take care of my husband’s needs ;-), tidy, wash dishes, laundry…

So why do I feel so stressed?

Why can’t I give myself more positive feedback.

I have been getting more done in recent months and am generally happier, but I still find myself slipping into the same old patterns of being driven by fear and anxiety.

Would it help to celebrate my accomplishments more? Mothers give kids stickers and make a big deal when their kids accomplish things. At least I’ve heard that’s what they do. My Mom never did. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me! Maybe I should give myself stickers--well not really stickers, but some sort of positive feedback when I do something.

The Wunderlist app I’m using makes a pleasant little ping when I check something off. That’s always a nice feeling. But I’m not likely to put everything I do on my to-do list first just so I can check it off: have lunch, check- ping; put away food, check- ping; clear table, check- ping; wipe crumbs off table, check… I don’t think so!!

So what is the answer? Maybe I could try checking in with God throughout my day more often. I could pray and thank him for helping me to accomplish the last thing and ask him what he wants me to do next. Sometimes I could just spend a little extra time basking in his presence until I move on to the next thing. Sounds wonderful. Almost luxuriant. Just the thought of it makes me feel more relaxed already.

Sounds a little like Brother Lawrence in The Practice of the Presence of God. Maybe I could add re-reading that to my to-do list!

Really though, I think part of the idea was that he saw everything as sacred. Someone said somewhere we should do everything as unto the Lord. I remember trying that at one particularly stressful job many years ago. It helped for the first few minutes but then I got caught up in the craziness of the moment again and forgot. But now I am not working for a demanding boss nor do I have customers breathing down my neck for their print jobs. So I should be able to do it at least sometimes. When I remember that is.

Celebrating Spring

I bought these flowers a couple of days ago to celebrate the start of Spring (here in the Northern Hemisphere that is). I also bought a large sugar cookie for John that had a cute picture in bright yellow icing of a baby chick. He ate it before I could get a photo. He said that if I want to photograph cookies that I plan to give him, I need to take the photo before I actually give him the cookie! Well you can use your imagination.

This morning I practiced my flower photography on them. So, Happy Spring!

Happiness Report

The United Nations’ 2018 World Happiness Report came out last week.

I read a little of it.

Got unhappy.

Maybe it was because I skipped ahead to Chapter six which is titled, Happiness in Latin America Has Social Foundations by Mariana Rojas. It tells how despite all the problems in Latin America there is a surprising level of happiness in those countries south of us. The study said, “it is explained by the abundance of family warmth and other supportive social relationships.…Happiness research has shown that relationships are important for people’s happiness; and that positive relationships are abundant in Latin America.” It seems that having a lot of strong relationships helps buffer them from the stress of the problems around them. Perhaps having a more relaxed view about life helps too!

I mentally compared our American society with Latin American society. We're less family oriented and more task and money oriented. Driven is another way to put it.

I suspect that American society actually encourages dissatisfaction. (We ranked 18th in the study.) We seem to idolize "progress" and feel we have to constantly “improve” everything and “get ahead” no matter what. Contentment is almost seen as un-American. The Apostle Paul said godliness with contentment is great gain. I don’t think many American Christians really believe that. We brush that verse aside fairly quickly.

Although we did rank higher than most of the Latin American countries in the happiness scale, I think we could learn some things from our Latin neighbors. (from Aussies too—they ranked 10th!)

Of course you may be thinking they, the Latin Americans that is, need to learn a few things from us too. Yes, undoubtedly.

Chapter six also says they are not as task oriented and that they are more concerned with living within existing conditions rather than changing things. Of course they don’t all feel that way which may explain why some of them come here where, as one Mexican said to me once “everything works.” (meaning things like the lights, water, roads. You know, all that infrastructure stuff we take for granted!)


But I think that God is more relationship oriented than task oriented. And we would do well to learn to be also.

Anyway I got depressed. Felt lonely. We don’t have much family in our area. And I haven’t managed to produce any children to bless our parents in their old age, or our old age either.

Church should be like family. But it’s not really the same. It falls short. I fall short. I don't reach out enough. Mostly, I guess, from fear of rejection. (which I am aiming to overcome!). And everyone’s so busy. We’re busy too.

I can’t change where our relatives live. Nor can I single-handedly change society.

By Sunday morning I was starting to see reality more clearly. I realized one thing I can change is how warmly I express my relational feelings toward others. So I made it a point to initiate a few more hugs during greeting time at church than I usually do. It was surprising how warmly they were received and how much better I felt too.

I also remembered the verse that says it is not wise to compare ourselves with others. Of course I also have heard plenty of stories of how bad things are in Latin America so that also tempered what I had read in the WHR.

It helped too to remember studies show that focusing a lot of attention on being happy can lead to the opposite feeling.

I didn’t detect any mention of how religious faith fits into a person’s level of happiness in the WHR. Being that it is produced by the UN I suspect that they are trying to substitute secular ideas of well-being because they may not believe in anything else. 

To paraphrase Jesus, what good is it for a person to be very happy but lose his own soul?


The study does have a variety of other interesting information such as how generosity and being welcoming of immigrants makes everyone in the society happier.

Also, Chapter seven looks at how the serious conditions of: obesity, substance abuse, and depression are affecting American society. The author of that chapter, Jeffrey Sachs, believes those help explain the fact that although income per capita has more than doubled in America since 1972, happiness has remained the same or even declined.

Think about it!

I think the rise of social media and increasing fragmentation of society could also explain some of that in recent years. And 1972 is also infamous for being when abortion was legalized. How could we really be happy with so much innocent blood on our hands?

More photos from Loyd Park

Here are more pictures from our week at Loyd Park (see yesterday's post for more info):

We were in site 62 which is next to the lake. It was a lovely view.

More of the lake while standing in the same spot.

John and I are mere shadows of our selves in this one.

We were close enough to home that I was able to follow behind in our car. We still hope to get a tow car but for now it was nice to have this one with us.

Previous weeks of rain had the lake levels up. It was too cold to swim anyway!

We were the only people out picnicking that day. It was lovely!

Spring has sprung! It was amazing the difference a few days made. When we arrived nothing was blooming. But all the white trees started blooming out while we were there. I've not noticed how many white blooming trees there are in our area until this year.

More ducks in their peaceful slow disguise :-)

I especially liked how the green coloring on the mallard's head showed up in the sun when he turned his head just right.

This photo I planned ahead for. I knew the birds were there. So when I saw the boat coming I focused on the birds and waited for the boat to come into view. Notice the freeway bridge in the background. It often felt like we were a long way from anywhere but we really were quite close to "civilization."

It really is Springtime but this picture looks more like Fall still

Yes it is the same little flowers as yesterday's post. I like the background especially in this shot. It seems more artsy and interesting. Almost Van Gohg-ish

Ah the sounds of ... nature?

Last week we spent several days in our motor home on Joe Pool lake at Loyd Park in Grand Prairie, Texas, near where we live. We arrived on Monday the fifth and left on Friday the 9th.

I’m glad it didn’t rain. But the wind and cold did keep me in more than I expected. At least we had something to be in! Our neighbors to the left just had a tent and a tarp strung up to shield their table and grill from the wind.

Being there during the middle of the week had the usual and welcome benefit of there not being  many people. Unfortunately there wasn’t the usual peace and quiet to go with it. The neighbors on the left had a large noisy truck. For some reason, known only to them, it was apparently necessary to keep its motor running nearly continuously. When it wasn’t sitting there idling noisily the guy was racing past in it going the wrong way on the one way road.

On the other side of our camp site there were back hoe tractors running almost constantly for the first few days. They were endeavoring to remove a couple of large wooden beams that had fallen into the lake and washed ashore there. Each one weighed two tons according to one of the men who talked to John. I was happy to see when they were finally successful in dragging them away—not primarily for their sake I must admit.

The neighbor on the left with the noisy truck also finally left and we had a day of real peace and quiet until we also needed to pack up and come home.

But despite all the wind and noise we did have a nice time. It is a pretty and well maintained park. Definitely worth revisiting.

Here is a picture of one of the beams before it was fished out of the water. I didn’t take any photos of the tractors or the noisy truck on the left. But trust me they were there ;-)

There are a lot of nice places to walk.

These are some of my favorite wild flowers. They are very small and compared to other wildflowers may seem insignificant, but I really like them. When the sun shines on them they seem to glow and say, “Spring is here!” 

Ducks are another of my favorite things. They are so cute and funny when they walk. And seem so peaceful and slow when they swim. But have you ever noticed how they change when they fly? I never did until last week.

It’s as if a cute, sort of goofy, little smart car has suddenly morphed into a supersonic jet. With a couple of flaps of their wings they went from calmly paddling on the water to shooting over the water and disappearing into the sky before I could focus for another shot. (some trees were in the way too which didn't help!)

Saved to the nth degree!!!

This week in small group we studied Galatians chapter 2.

I was struck by the repetitions in verse 16:

We ... know that a person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law, because by the works of the law no one will be justified. (Galatians 2:16 NIV)

Our study book said to "Circle each use of the word justified. Underline the phrase works of the law. Draw a rectangle around the phrase faith in Jesus Christ or faith in Christ."

I noticed right off that each one of those words or phrases is repeated 3 times. Paul the writer here is using repetition to emphasize over and over and over again that: it is not our works that save us, we are made right with God by our faith in Christ Jesus and what he did for us on the cross!

I've heard it said that when scripture describes God as "Holy, Holy, Holy" that the three times repetition is saying that God is holy to the nth degree.

I believe that Paul has the same reason for repeating himself three times here. He really wants people to see that faith in Jesus is essential and it makes all the difference. We are saved to the nth degree!

Hebrews 7:25 says we are "saved to the uttermost."

Thank you God!!