Thursday, April 17, 2008

Help!

Thanks for that last comment, Wendy. It came at a "good" time--I certainly need the reminder to trust God!

Something has come up lately that really has me fuming. A few days ago when I was praying about it I felt God said to me that I was to start thanking Him for X. I didn't really want to, but I could tell that continuing to fret and judge X was not helping. In fact it was a real bummer to have my mind filled with that junk. So I did start to thank him for X. It really did help that day. My mind was a much more pleasant place to be.

But this morning... I got into a discussion (for the umpteenth time) with J about it (the situation with X). It turned into a fight... sigh :(

Later as I was walking on my treadmill, feeling really angry and stressed, I was reminded of what God said about giving thanks for X. I was also thinking with some chagrin about our small group meeting Tuesday night. We had talked a lot about giving thanks and I told them of my little victory of a few days ago. I was so sure of myself then. I thought things were going to work out the way I wanted them to, so it was easier! (ouch)

So anyway, as I was treadmilling, I told God this morning that I could not think of anything about this problem to be thankful for. But as I kept trying I did think of a few--grudging and meager though they were. Things like "thank you God that I have not killed J yet!," and "Thank you God that you have promised to work everything out for good for those who love you..."

So what happened? Well I did start to simmer down and relax a little. And I felt less inclined to kill J.

The situation has not changed... And J has not called to apologize...

Am I happy? Do I feel like everything is beautiful? No and no.

That reminds me, I just got a new journal and on the front is the verse, "He has made everything beautiful in its time." (Ecc. 3:11)

sigh... it's the "in its time" thing I am struggling with-- How long will this one take Lord?

~~p.s. (1:20 pm)
J did call and email me and we got things sorted out between us. Thank you God! :-) The thing with X? Well that's a different story, but at least J and I seem to be walking in unity about it now. Hopefully that will continue!

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